Thursday, December 23, 2010

Been out all night Patron-in'

Do you have any idea how expensive it is to date a clown? I've spent more money on my girlfriend's bag of face paint than I did on my car. It's worth it, though.....she's worth it. Some guys come home clutching a fist full of carnations....I come home with compacts of rouge and white face powder. Look, fellas, we live in a modern society. Flowers don't cut it anymore. Flowers won't make your girlfriend's top come off. Or in my case, they won't make her extra baggy rainbow overalls hit the floor. And in all honesty, sorry doesn't mean sorry anymore. If you come home empty handed-OR, ok, let's say you bought the most beautiful bouquet of flowers in the entire world, right? and that's all that you have...an apology and some flowers. Do you think that's going to gain you entry through those pearly gates? It's not. In fact she'll resent you for it. 'What am I supposed to do with these?', she'll say. And you'll stand there like a piece of soft cheese, just flopped over. You better dash on over to Party City immediately after work and pick up the widest color pallet of face paints you can find! Be considerate, too. If you know that your angry girlfriend has issues with dry skin, ask the clerk if they carry paints with a moisturizing element. Fellas! I'm telling you...try and apologize to your girlfriend with words and see how far that gets you. Not far.

Inspired by: The Dream (feat. T.I.) - Make Up Bag